Isn't all that sad.

Please do not get me wrong, I'm terribly distraught that I won't be moving back to Kansas to work things out with Patrick. But at the same time, like, I'm really not that sad. We've been going back and forth since like, what, December? Im horribly sad, but Im not. I'm happy that this gives me the opportunity to find someone who loves God as much as they love me. But I think of everything Pat and I went through, he's still my best friend, and I cry. I bawl. But I guess nothing was meant to last forever. I miss him. Maybe I'm not that sad because I don't see him. I haven't for like 5 months. Maybe I'm not that sad, because I knew it would never work. Or maybe God has filled my heart with his love so I don't hurt as much. Whatever it is, I'm greatful. I feel happiness that it's over. No more fighting, no more any of it. I don't have to fight with his family, or beg to be treated to my standards. Not that he ever treated me bad, we just have different ideals of different things. Let me restate that...Patrick NEVER treated me badly. My heart is still with him. Part of me thinks that it always will be. Maybe we'll be together again one day, maybe we won't Only God knows, and I'd like to keep it that way. What I do know, is that him and I have our 5 babies, and they are well taken care of. We both still love them very much, and both are trying to be active in their lives. I'm glad he still cares, I'm glad he's still my best friend. I do wish him all the happiness the world can provide. I hope he finds what he is looking for.

I love you always,
K