There is no getting over this...

Ugh! I am so darn frustrated. So today I went to the mental health clinic to get medication management for my bipolar disorder.. that was ridiculous in itself. It was like a two hour long ordeal that ended up in me just having to get another appointment.
Anyway, so I come home and of course my mom starts in with me. We fight for like two hours, it's ridiculous. She is nice one day and then the next she is completely different. It's just enough, I'm done.
Besides that, I was looking at my boyfriends pictures on myspace, just to see what he had. And in one of the folders were ones he was tagged in. And the picture that was up front that you saw before getting into the folder, was one of him and this girl, the one he had been emailing about me and they are all up close and personal. Patrick and I don't even have any pictures like that.
Between Patrick and my parents, I am seriously just about to give up. I don't know what to do though, Pat and I own a car together, but he uses it for his job, I can't get a job if I don't have a car and I can't get a car if I don't have a job. I hate living here and I just don't know what to do. I feel like I'm trapped and I can't get out. I feel like my relationship is completely going down the toilet and even when I do bring up an issue with him, he doesn't compromise with me, he just figures that he'll tell me what he wants and if it's not what I want, then he says that well I guess we have a problem then. He doesn't change things, like he is completely content on the way things are.
He won't get pics done with me, we have to move back to Topeka, because he doesn't want the business anywhere else. He refuses to show me his friends list, he won't take pictures down, he won't bring up issues with other people, other than to talk shit. I just can't deal.. I feel trapped.

I wish I was interesting

Oh, how I wish there was something interesting going on in Many Louisiana. This is like, I guess a one horse town. There is one post office, like 10 churches, like three schools, the police station and the city hall are connected. And I've had a house that is bigger than both of them.. combined.. as they are. I cannot wait until I move. I'm not sure of where I'm moving to, but it needs to be somewhere quick!
Patrick wants to move back to Topeka Kansas. He says we can move somewhere different, but he wants our Comic Book store to be opened in Topeka. I don't know about you... but how can own a business and be completely hands on if I live in another town....or state.
He says we want different things and that he is willing to compromise...but he isn't showing it well. Pat has lived in Topeka, like his entire life, omitting these last 9 months. He has family there and friends and the whole nine yards. What he's missing, is that I don't. I don't have anything in Topeka. I just moved there because of him. I loved him so much in the beginning that I moved to a completely different town, thirty miles away from where I grew up, just to be with him.
He doesn't get it. He says he is willing to compromise and yes, someday he does want to move to San Diego with me. But he doesn't show any of that. He doesn't take into consideration that I don't have friends in Topeka, I don't have family there. I don't have anything. I can't even go back to college there(I flunked out and now have to pay $5000.00 before I can go back). I have nothing there but him. I've told him this multiple times and I don't think that he's getting it. I think he understands, but I don't know if he just doesn't care.. or what it is.
I'm just tired of all of this and I don't know what to do.

Peace
K

I can't do it anymore

So, like last week sometime.. Well I guess I should introduce myself and all. I'm Kodi, I'm 23 currently and I live in Louisiana for right now. I have a boyfriend, Patrick and we live with my parents. Life isn't so great right now. Pat and I have been together for about 3 1/2 years now. Things aren't going so great.
Last week when Pat and I got back from vacation, he was checking his email on myspace and he got up to help my dad with something and I pushed remember for his myspace for his password. I read an email of his with this chick that he went to school with. She says she doesnt have something for him, but she does. It's not hard to tell. So in this email, He told her that I yell and I nag and I have jealousy issues, which I guess are all true. But he told her that he hides his myspace friends from me because he doesn't want me to flip. He told her that he wanted to go out with her and her friends and go home with some of them. Also he informed her that he was going to ask out one of my good friends when we move back to Kansas. He also told her that if we move anywhere other than back to Kansas, that he was going to leave me. During all this like, my heart was going crazy. I stormed past him into my bathroom, he followed me of course. I was screaming and crying. I knew like, our relationship wasn't the best, but damnit, I love him so much, I can't imagine living my life without him. He means so much to me and we've been through so much.
So we talked for a while. He said that he was sorry and that he felt like our relationship was going down the tube and he didn't know what to do. He doesn't even talk to me about anything. This is ridiculous, how can you tell someone that you want to marry them, but refuse to talk to them about anything? It doesn't make sense to me. I just feel helpless. I don't know whether to believe him that he won't do this again and that he whole heartedly wants to work on our relationship. Or do I just forget it?
He works out on oil rigs, he is gone for months at a time and during this time, I don't feel like he really even cares when we talk on the phone. He sounds like I've bothered him and he'd rather be doing other things. I don't think that is what is happening, but I just don't want to get screwed over again, I've been cheated on and left so many darn times, it's ridiculous. I just want to find the man I'm going to marry and have kids and have my career. I'm tired of dealing with this. I just want this to work out and I'm not sure that it is.
Anyway,
I'm out Peace
K